As they say in Japan, "NAKATOMI... I LOVE SUMMER!"

Movie Review: Live Free or Die Hard

When I told my friend there was a new Die Hard movie coming out she laughed and said "What's it called, 'Die Already'?" Although the actual title isn't much better, I still couldn't let the summer go by without catching the latest from the baddest NY cop since, well, JOHN McCLANE!

If you have never watched the Die Hard series, or missed some of the movies, here's a 4 1/2 minute crash course in why we love John McClane.



For those that have a little more time on their hands, this should tickle your fancy.

Here's a tip. Before you go see this movie, you have to not only check your brain at the door, but send it on a Semester at Sea. If you are looking for an award winning storyline, intellectual stimulation, gripping dramatic acting, or apparently an 'R' rating... then go write your own movie. There is not much of that going on in Hollywood nowadays. "Live Free or Die Hard" is a throwback to a time where one-liners and ridiculous, non-computer animated action sequences were the norm. It's an action movie... the old fashioned way. Much like the main character John McClane is the old fashioned hero without a cape and 35 million dollars of CGI to make him fly; The self-proclaimed "Fly in the ointment. The monkey in the wrench. The pain in the ass"; The reluctant savior of men, women, children, the world, and evidently the slumping summer box office.

The story is pretty simple. A maniacal, and of course witty, cyber-terrorist (Timothy Olyphant) wants to shut down the entire digital infrastructure of America with the help of his Kung-fu kicking hottie girlfriend (Maggie Q). McClane, once again played brilliantly by Bruce "bald and beautiful" Willis, has to bring a hacker (Justin Long) to Washington D.C. for questioning. From there it does not take long for the bullets to fly. The cyber-terrorists want the hacker dead... McClane does his thing. It's surely not rocket science.

Yet, there is something more than just 'popcorn action flick' going on in this movie. The story is an interesting battle between not only good and evil, but analog and digital. McClane is a dinosaur (or a "toilet bug", if you ask his old boss) battling against the future. It's Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla, Man vs. Machine, Stuntmen vs. CGI, bloody feet vs. Prada Shoes... and McClane's wise-cracking brand of ass whuppin' prevails in one of the most explosion-heavy movies of the series. There is a highway chase scene that rivals (though doesn't beat) the epic highway scene of "The Matrix: Reloaded" which pits McClane's beat-up, stolen 18-Wheeler versus a high-tech, remote-controlled, F-35 hovering jet fighter. Of course, many of the scenes are of the "yeah, right" variety, but it doesn't matter. Remember, your brain is reading Shakespeare somewhere on the Atlantic Ocean.

Although none of the movies have compared to the original (there are few action movies that can), Director Len Wiseman (Underworld) does his best to keep the movie true to its roots. There is an elevator shaft scene, air-ducts being crawled through, an Agent Johnson (of the Johnson & Johnson's from the original?), a bunch of bungling FBI hi-jinks, Lucy Gennero, er... uh... McClane (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), the obligatory indie-cred cameo by Kevin Smith (who's love for Star Wars even warranted a quick fade of the 'm' in his name during the credits), some parkour, and even with the limited potty-mouth that comes with a PG-13 rating, there was at least room for one "Yippie Kai Yay, Mother...." SHUT YO' MOUTH!

I give this movie 4 Eyebrows up!

Favorite Die Hard Line #5:
[McClane tries to call up police]
Supervisor: Attention, whoever you are. This channel is reserved for emergency calls only...
John McClane: No fucking shit, lady. Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?